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Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Edited Writing!

We have done another pier assessment on our writing. I have chosen my two goals to be:

Check punctuation, spelling and grammar
Interesting language that matches my topic and purpose.

I have edited this piece of writing below and I hope you enjoy :)
Please comment if you see anything I could improve or add. 

The metal chain is cold against my sweety palm. A gun to my back prods me forwards and two guards on either side of me keep me from trying anything. Not that I could with my hands tied. We turn left into another white corridor and at the end stands a tall woman holding meal ties and chains. I slow down instinctively but the man behind me shoves the gun hard into the gap between my shoulder blades. She smiles as we approach and the guard finally takes the gun away and clicks it into its holder. She walks forwards and clicks a metal tie to each of my hands and conducts a chain to each then takes the handcuffs away. Now both my hands had ties but we're apart. The two guards hold my wrists while she bends down and attaches a tie and chain to each of my ankles.
“Let's go” she said in a clipped british accent. She takes one of the chains and leads me into a big glass tank.
“No” I whisper. I’ve seen this in movies before but never thought it would happen to me.
“Yes'' she says, a sly smile on her perfect face. She yanks the tie to the left and ties it to a knot above my head. I cry out in pain as she wrenches the other hand to the other tie. They are too far apart and my muscles cry out. I’m practically hanging with my feet just touching the ground so I can’t put up much of a fight as she fastens my feet ties. “Good,” she says, punching me in the gut so I lean over as far as the ties allow and couch. She laughs, “If only I could torture by myself” She leave the box and the door swings shut behind me. The seals around the frame are thick and glass around me double sided. A flash of leeward catches my eye and I look down. “Crap” I mutter then start trashing the ties. The water is clear and beautiful on any other day but today it will be my death. It continues to trickle in, coming faster and faster. I can just make out the lady standing behind the glass smiling at me as I struggle. I show her middle finger and she laughs. The water is now swirling around my knees, sloshing slowly upwards. It's cold and raw on my skin and I shiver. It's rising at a rapping pace and I’m forcing myself not to break down crying and screaming. Water surrounds my waist and the water stains the bottom of my shirt black. I glance up and see the shadow of the woman is gone. “I can do this” I mutter to myself, tugging harshly against the chains. Of course they don’t move. What did I expect, to be able to break metal?
I shift my feet and feel the surge of water swelling around my body. It’s now wrapped itself around my chest and lifted me slightly. I gasp as the water reaches my lower neck and swallows my top completely under. Why have I wanted so long to fight for my life? I writhe, straining and pull as hard as I can at the metal chains but all I got out of it was red lines around my wrists. The water is now at my chin. I start to panic. If I lower my chin why will the whole face emerge in water? “Help” I scream at the top of my lungs. “Help-” I’m cut off by a sure of water flowing into my mouth. I tried to cough it out but the water had reached over my mouth. I strained the ties and tried to come further up but the ties didn't budge. I close my eyes and let the water rise slowly over my face. My arms droop as far as the chain allows and I float there, all the fight in me gone. My brain is working but now ideas come to mind of how to get myself out of this big mess. Then something hits me stronger than any force of water could ever. I don’t know where it came from and never will but it's an idea and it's the only idea I have. All I have to do is believe. ‘I can do this’ I think then even stronger ‘I can do this’ “I can do this!” I yell, letting the water flood into my mouth. Adrenalin bubbles up inside me and I feel my body radiating. In one almighty tough, I rip my arm out of the handcuff then the other. “Yes!” I whisper, the final bubbles of air I still had in my lungs escaping and floating up to the surface. If I could do that could I break thick glass? I have to try.
Swinging back my fist I hit the glass. Then double over. The water has stopped coming in now and the tank is full. I let myself sink down to the bottom. My head droops and I think. I can;’t have much air left and my lungs are screaming for air. The water stopped most of the power of my pooch so I have to go to the top and try and break the glass up there. I kicked upwards and faced the ties around my feet. I lift my fist and punch again. And again. The punch gets harder with each hit. I need air. A snap. A crack. A hole. The surge of water carries me out and rips my feet out of the ties. I had broken the glass.

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